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I. About The ROUS
The ROUS does not exist.
II. About the Rider
Don’t take yourself too seriously.
a. Feel free to use this justification to throw out this entire rulebook, except for sections I and II
The only sin worse than taking yourself too seriously, is taking yourself seriously but acting as if you aren’t.
“Acta non verba.”
a. Legs speak louder than words.
Don’t be that guy*.
a. Know how to work on your own bike.
i. It’s acceptable to have a professional work on your bike, but at least know what that professional is doing to your bike.
b. Don’t ever rely on other people as your Plan A.
c. Don’t brag about yourself. See Rule 4.
d. Don’t be a wet blanket.
i. Or a wet sandwich, jabroni, buzzkill, fun police, Derek, etc.
Know your stuff.
a. There is no such thing as a “rear cassette”, a “front fork”, a “front cog”; “decent” is an adjective, not a noun; your bike definitely doesn’t have a “cogset”.
b. If you have a strong preference for one component brand over another, you must have hard evidence as to why.
i. “I just like it more” is inadmissible.
Don’t be weak.
a. If you are weak, be gracious and self-deprecating in defeat.
Never make excuses.
a. Quietly work yourself to the bone to harden up, and refer to Rules 5 and 7.a.
Ride your damn bike. As often as possible.
a. Don’t just talk about it, post about it, wash it, or upgrade it.
III. About the Dress Code
Never go full enduro.
a. Fanny packs are for hippies, not cyclists. See Rule 15 for clarification.
b. Goggles are for snow (but mandatory with full-face helmets).
c. Anything “convertible” is for your dad.
d. Wear gloves if you want to.
e. Visors when riding a bike with >120mm travel.
i. Glasses under the straps on helmets with visors.
f. Foam/silicon grips are the best. Use them.
Never go full XC.
a. Chamois under baggies is encouraged.
b. If your ride requires you to wear knee pads, no gaps are allowed.
c. Don’t wear gloves if you don’t want to.
d. No visors when riding a bike with <120mm travel.
i. Glasses over the straps on visorless helmets.
Shorts should always be black.
a. Or gray, or charcoal, or obsidian, or ash.
b. No jean shorts. Ever. See Rule 3.
Riding in a t-shirt sends a message.
a. “I borrowed my cousin’s bike.”
b. “Today is easy. If I were in a jersey, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
i. Make sure you’re able to deliver the right message.
Socks are 6”.
a. Any color is fine.
b. No exceptions on length.
Hydration packs are an acceptable last resort.
a. Learn how to properly hydrate before/after a ride.
b. 1 oz. of water per mile on days under 80 degrees.
c. Your ride better be very long and very hot to warrant carrying a hydration pack.
Err on the side of underdressed.
a. We all relish watching the guy* in full team-replica kit get dropped.
b. Dropping riders while underdressed sends a message. See 13.b.
IV. About Toughening Up
E-Bikes are permissible*, just be prepared for the heckling you deserve.
a. *Not in any form of competition, obviously.
Shuttles are fun, but they make you weak.
Vert makes you stronger -- always maximize.
Absurd hike-a-bike rides are not only acceptable, they are encouraged.
Riding in the cold or in weather toughens you up.
Do whatever it takes to ride harder.
a. See Rule 7.a and 8.a.
You must be willing to ride without posting about it on social media.
a. If you aren’t able to do that, then either toughen up or find a new hobby.
V. About The Trail
French lines are for the french.
a. If you need to cut corners to make up time, do more intervals.
b. If you absolutely have to cheat, don’t get caught.
On the trail, vert should be measured in feet, distance should be measured in miles.
Don’t talk about trail ratings.
a. The only group you’ll impress talking about a “black diamond” is a ski school.
No “mobbing” on the trail. We don’t even know what it is, but don’t do it and especially don’t say it.
a. This includes you, Rob.
Be overly courteous.
a. Be so courteous to your fellow trail users that it makes the English look like Philistines in comparison.
Don’t ride with headphones. The sound of the ride is sufficient.
Not all trails are created equal. Understand the hierarchy and respect it.
a. 15 miles in Corner Canyon ≠ 15 miles in Park City ≠ 15 miles in Moab
i. Develop an understanding of where your trails fall within the spectrum and limit your boasting accordingly. Also see Rule 5.c.
Develop encyclopedic knowledge of the trails you ride (or will be riding).
a. You should be able to guide Search and Rescue to a downed rider without consulting a map.
b. Don’t rely on other people for directions. See Rule 5.b.
i. This is definitionally different from learning about trails from an expert.
Littering is stupid.
VI. About The Bike
Always err on the side of riding “underbiked”.
a. Don’t be caught dead riding a bike beneath its capabilities.
b. If you do get dropped, you are more likely to be forgiven if you are underbiked.
Err on the side of well-used.
a. Treat your bike with respect and know how to care for it, but use it.
b. An unused bike in “new” condition is a humiliation to the rider. See Rule 9.
Always refer to bike measurements using the metric system, in spite of the use of the imperial system for everything else. See Rule 25.
Have the equipment on your bike (and knowledge) to get you off the trail in the case of a mishap. See 5.a and 5.b for further explanation.
Tire logos align with valve stems.
a. In spite of what our road-riding brethren say, valve stem nuts are essential equipment.
No reflectors anywhere, for any reason.
A shoe/pedal system (clipless) is preferred.
a. You better be able to crankflip in clipless better than Braydon Bringhurst to claim you “need” flats for jumping.
b. Flats are ideal for learning, but aspire to graduate to better things.
Know the component importance hierarchy. If you have to ask, you don’t know it.
*"Guy" is used colloquially here. In this usage it means person, irrespective of gender. More specifically, it refers implicitly to the personality characteristics -- agnostic to gender -- associated with being "that guy".
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